Dan….In Real Life

Dan and grandkids on camping trip

The problem with marrying the most wonderful man in the world, is that he makes me look like crap all the time.  Yes, he is Mr. Popularity.  And I am the stick-in-the-mud realist.  This is actually quite a switch for me from my first marriage.  But I’d rather not go into that.  ‘Today let’s just talk about Dan the man. A guy who would go to the ends of the earth to join his kids and grandkids on a camping trip. He packs all the food, and urges his children to just meet him somewhere that’s convenient to them.  This works out to be a bummer for me, since I hate camping! I try to go up and meet the crew just for the afternoon.

Now let me explain a few things here.  What Dan means when he says “camping” is that he wants to go somewhere remote, that technically should only be reached by four-wheel-drive.  He doesn’t want any running water.  And he’d very much prefer to pee on a tree than in an outhouse, much less a restroom. It will usually take 3 or more hours to drive to, and another 3 hours to drive home. Yee-haw!

I, on the other hand, am a total priss.  If it’s dirty, I don’t want to touch it.  I don’t want someone who hasn’t washed his hands in 4 days making my breakfast. Call me “Monk”, but it’s the way I am. If we had a camper with running water and a flushing toilet, I could do the whole camping thing. Even a decent campground that offered showers and toilets would be acceptable.  But no, no!  That would defeat the whole purpose of camping.

Proof that I actually do go up for the afternoon

 When my 3 year old grandson asks for a small piece of hard candy, grandpa says “Sure! Why not?” Not “let’s ask your mom first, or grandma.” And he certainly doesn’t offer them an alternate treat. Never mind that it’s the type of candy a 3 year old could choke on.  Recently my beloved promised our little darlings a trip to the mountain to go sledding.  You might think that a case of diarrea should of changed the plans, wouldn’t you?  Couldn’t they have gone somewhere closer to some decent toilet facilities? Well, heck no!  Grandpa Dan is unstoppable.  He bundled up his 2 grandkids, and swore he’d be fine.  I just tried not to concern myself with the possible outcome.  Afterall, if their mother was okay with it, than I was fine with it…sort of.

Dan is a boundless, bundle of energy that seems to have no end.   He teaches science/biology/forensics at Redmond High School.  He coaches football from August- November.  Then coaches wrestling December-March.  He referee’s whenever he has an opportunity to do so, which means that many weekends and evenings he is working. He also teaches a high school Sunday school class, leads a Bible study and mentors a group of high school boys, he teaches in our home Bible study group, he is an elder in our church, and he is on the pastoral staff at a little community church out in nearby Camp Sherman.  Did I mention that he is a wonderful father to our our 8 children, and the most incredible grandfather on the face of the planet? 

Me?  Well I can come across as being downright rude to people.  Because of Dan’s many contacts through the school, community, and church, he is frequently asked to do weddings and funerals. If you should contact me when trying to reach Dan for this purpose, the answer will automatically be “no”.  Unless, of course you are one of our children. You cannot  imagine what a stretch it is, in our already overcrowded schedule, to fit something like this in.  We will council a couple 3 times before the wedding, to prepare them for Holy Matrimony. Dan has a very hard time saying “no” to these requests.  But I don’t.  Remember I am the stick-in-the-mud realist.  And God put me here to help keep Dan alive and healthy for as long as possible. I know how harsh that sounds.  But I have a feeling that just like Adam in the book of Genesis, God took one look at Dan and said, “it is not good for this man to be alone”.  And so God brought Dan a suitable helpmate. Me.

Before Dan and I were married, our families had met together in Las Vegas at the home of mutual relatives. This was our first meeting, and we hit it off pretty well, right from the start. As did our children.  In the evening our two families packed into one little mini van to explore the big city together. There were nine of us at that time, (before Lewis joined us). Dan drove, (as it was his rig), and I sat in the passenger seat, unaware that God was bringing our two families together as one.  Dan’s kids had the windows rolled down, and began cat calling and barking at the tourists.  Dan chuckled from the front seat, but never once tried to discourage their behavior. I was…well….speechless.  I figured that he was letting them be a little crazy because they were on vacation. I had no idea that this behavior was “par for the course”, normal everyday type behavior for this single bachelor with his 4 kiddos.

I think God knew that in order to seal the deal I had to be from a different city.  If I had had a chance to see the way Dan lived his life, I would have been way too terrified to commit. I actually was a little puzzled why any guy as wonderful as Dan hadn’t been scooped off the market right away. Not that he’s perfect by any stretch of the imagination! But he is wonderful, and believe me, I know it.

I am not so wonderful.  I am warning you.  I have an easy time saying “no”, and telling people when they annoy me.  Afterall, someone had to straighten those kids out.  Just keep these things in mind next time you see me, folks.  I’m tough.  I’ve had to learn to be.  I may not be the outdoorsy camping type….but I have survived 14 years of marriage to Dan, the nicest guy in the world, AND mothering his children. I may be prissy, that is true.  But I am one of the toughest women on the planet.

Let’s talk about weddings…..

Good morning tea lovers. Today I want to talk about what it is that makes a wedding special.  Make sure you steep a nice strong cup of English Breakfast Tea before we visit.

This past weekend my husband and I attended another wedding.  Dan and I get invited to more weddings than probably most folks, due to the fact that he is a high school teacher, a football and wrestling coach, a former pastor, a native Central Oregonian with farming roots, and an all around great guy who knows everyone in town. I’m guessing that in the 13 years we’ve been married, we’ve attended somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 or more weddings. Most of them are incredibly special in their own way.  And many of them bring tears to my eyes.  But why?  What’s the secret ingredient that creates magic at a wedding ceremony?

The wedding we attended this weekend was pretty simple.  There were no fancy decorations or flowers. The ushers wore shirt and ties, not tuxedos. There wasn’t a special band. It was a wedding on a shoestring budget, to be sure. But yet when this modern bride in her sleeveless gown, no makeup, tattooed shoulders, walked down the aisle to meet her groom, my husband and I squeezed each others hands and wiped away tears of joy for this precious young couple in love. I believe in love.  And I believe this couple will have what it takes to take this lifetime journey, (or should I say journey of a lifetime), together.  Although I may not be completely certain of that,  I believe the odds of their success is better than most.  And why is that? Maybe it was because we saw the groom tremble and wipe away tears the moment his bride entered the room escorted by her daddy. Or maybe it was something else…

Like the way we’ve watched their relationship develop over the past 3 years. They respect each other enormously, which is a vital factor to having a successful marriage. They took the pre-marriage instruction counseling that was offered by our church. They have put God first in their lives and in their relationship.  And they were satisfied to stay celibate until the wedding day. I believe that was a good choice for them. Celibacy strengthens your self discipline muscles. If you are not able to have self discipline before your wedding day, how on earth will you make it for a lifetime?  Believe me, just because you get married, that does not mean you will never be tempted by another person again as long as you live. I believe the gift of celibacy before marriage is one of the most precious and pure gifts you can give your future spouse.  It enables a young couple to work on other parts of the relationship first. Men in particular have a very difficult time with this. Women are very mysterious creatures indeed, and sex doesn’t fix everything for a woman, the way it seems to for a man. So it’s a really good idea for a man to take the extra time needed to really explore the heart of his beloved. That skill will come in handy after the wedding as well.  Trust me on this! Women want our men to know what’s inside our hearts. We may be afraid to embrace that kind of intimacy at first.  But when a man loves us in the right way, it is a most comforting, healing and secure place for us to live. We cannot trust and submit to a man who always puts his own needs ahead of ours. But  back to the discussion on weddings….

A few years ago, Dan and I attended a wedding that had all the trimmings.  It was held in a spectacular setting at a Bed and Breakfast/guest ranch just outside of Sisters, Oregon, with the Cascade Mountains as the backdrop.  A full orchestra played classical music.  All the attendants were decked out in the finest attire.  The bride arrived in a horsedrawn carriage.  She had obviously spent the day at the salon.  Her hair and makeup were done up to the nines. Her hands were neatly manicured and her toes looked most dainty.  Every moment of this wedding was sheer perfection. The reception was equally impressive.  They had spared no expense on gourmet  hors d’oeuvers and fancy champagne served by waiters in tuxedos. A class act band played dance tunes for the guests who wanted to shake their booties on the dance floor, while a DJ instucted us as to when, where, and what would take place next.  Sadly, this perfect wedding ended in divorce less than 18 months later, when this gorgeous little bride decided she didn’t want to be tied down to just one guy.  Whoops…I’m sorry….what did you think a marriage was anyway?

My wedding to Dan was perfect, I have no doubt about that.  Oh there were those minor little incidents that make a wedding so memorable, like when the pastor, ( who happened to be my brother), asked Dan if he would vow to be my lawfully wedded wife.  And Dan had to say No, he’d prefer to be my husband. We had a good chuckle on that. But for the most part, it went off without a hitch. Although planning the event was quite an ordeal. I hail from Las Vegas, Nevada.  So I was hoping for a lot of glitz and glimmer in this wedding. I didn’t want to get married in a LV strip wedding chapel.  But I wanted something really unique and exciting. The  church I was attending wouldn’t work because it was little more than a large basketball court with a stage. So I set out on a quest to find that perfect place to bring our two families together. Although Las Vegas offers many options, none of them seemed to quite fill the bill. I looked high and low, trying to narrow down the choices before my fiance arrived from Oregon to visit and help with the planning. Clearly, Liberace’s Mansion was not going to work.  I took one look at my brown paper bag fiance in that grand hall and thought “I’ve got to get him out of here.  He looks like he’s going to pass out.” Well, he actually did pretty good on the tour, until we came to Liberace’s private quarters.  There was a large spa like bathtub centered in the middle of the room. And directly above, a gigantic painting of the eccentric musicians face smiling down on us. I saw Dan shudder. But in the end it was the lovely ornate dining room that helped me write this option off once and for all.  I could just picture my frisky future step children, (who are farm kids through and through), hanging from the chandiers and initiating a food fight. We thanked our tour guide and left to try and continue our search. After weeks of searching, I had almost given up hope.  Dan suggested we get married in someone’s backyard and have a potluck for the reception. He was serious. I knew very little, at that time, about the lifestyle I was marrying into. I’m still learning.

Alas, I found the Black Mountain Country Club in Henderson, Nevada. It was absolutely perfect in every way…the way it always is when God brings stuff together. The country club was brand new, and the prices were VERY affordable back then. It sits at the base of Black Mountain, surrounded by green.  A large porticco surrounds the clubhouse, with beautiful white pillars.  It is elegant and stylish, but not over the top. My wedding gown was the most beautiful wedding dress I had ever laid eyes on, and I had worked in a bridal shop when I selected this dress. So I had seen every possible style. Got this one at a discount, because of my job. A dear friend of mine, who is an excellent professional photographer, did the photos at cost.  My brother officiated the wedding. Flowers were done by friends who attend my home church. They also happen to be flower shop owners. We found the perfect DJ, who reported he’d never had so much fun at a non-alcoholic wedding. Our seven kids, who were terrified at the prospect of blending families, became little hams on the dance floor and bonded in a way we never could have predicted.

The ceremony itself was spectacular.  Our 7 children were our attendants.  They fought back terrified tears through the ceremony. Actually, most of the congregation was in tears because our story is so special. I’ll try to share it another time. But lets’s just say that we were two heartbroken souls that God brought together in a miraculous way. And on this day, as the sun was just setting over Black Mountain on March 18th, 1995, Dan and I held hands with our 7 children and partook of our first communion as a family. No doubt in my mind it was the most beautiful wedding that ever took place. Can you say “fairy tale”? 

There was an element that made our wedding extra special.  I call it the Holy Spirit, because He is always present whenever there is a Holy Matrimony covenant. That has always been the common denominator that makes me quiver at weddings, and makes me cry tears of joy. And makes me hope and believe that this marriage will beat the odds and make it for the long haul. It is no guarentee of success. But I believe it helps more than we may realize.

Well….I have finished my tea for the day.  Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. Please feel free to leave your comments. I’d love to hear what you have to say about what makes a wedding special too.

 

Blessings-

Tea Lady Darla