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I haven’t written in a while. It’s been a difficult month. The past week was particularly hard, and I find myself once again trying to sort out God’s purposes for my life. I turned 50 years old recently. I’ve been one of God’s kids for a very long time. He has always been faithul to me, and has blessed me beyond anything I could have ever imagined. There have been many twists and turns in my life. Many times I could not see His hand at the time. But later, things became clear. Once in a while, things are left unclear. Like why my dear friend Margaret is still sick after 13 years of praying for her. Or why little Caylie didn’t get to go back to Zambia with her family. Sometimes God just chooses to be mysterious. Read the book of Job if you don’t believe me.
I hate being 50. I really do. I hardly recognize the old hag I see when I look in the mirror. When I was 20, 30, even 40, I couldn’t even picture myself being 50 years old. But the day came. My wonderful children treated me to a day at the spa, where I received a massage, hairstyling, pedicure, manicure, even makeup! I even felt about 10 years younger for the remainder of the day. My husband bought be a Wii so I could stay fit the senior way. We had a huge party. It was all such wonderful fun.
I had recently taken in a new teenage daughter to love and foster. Much time has been spent over the past 3 1/2 months attempting to mentor her. My hopes were high. And I felt certain this was God’s call for this season of my life. I’m still certain it was. But the season was shorter than expected. And Dan and I are empty nesting once again. Our daughter was placed last week in another home. We do have some limited contact with her. I’d rather not write about what went wrong, as much as I’d like to write about what went right. Dan and I were able to model for her a loving family, and parents who discipline out of their sincere desire to see the child become a better, more responsible person created in God’s image. We never lost our tempers with her. The Holy Spirit filled my mouth with wisdom during the many opportunities I had to sit and talk with her one on one. Even when she misbehaved, we were always able to be kind, firm and loving towards her. She never got away with manipulating us. I will be honest, I truly don’t think we made any mistakes with this child. After 8 kids worth of prior experience, I must say, I think we’re getting the hang of how to parent teenagers finally! I believe that everything God wanted to happen while she was here, did happen.
My 50th Birthday...part one
Still my heart was heavy as I said “goodbye” to the child I thought would be a permanent part of this family. I don’t understand everything that goes on in the spiritual realm. I cannot explain the way that prayer works, sometimes in real time, sometimes not. Why God allows us to sow feverishly, only to let someone else reap later. Sometimes we never get to see the fruits of our labor. Other times the fruit is evident, and it brings us great joy to know that we have participated in the building up of God’s kingdom. The little gal that God brought into our home for such a short season will always be in my heart. And someday I believe I will see her in the kingdom of God. That is faith, my friend. I have nothing whatsoever to back up that statement. I only know that her coming here was not an accident. And so I hang on to this hope. I look back fondly. And press forward full of hope for the future.
Blessings to all!
Tea Lady Darla
Man….I didn’t really think I’d be here again! Parenting another teenager.
Before I pour out my heart to you, please join me in a cup of tea. I’m having a cup of White Swiss Truffle Rooibos from Teaporia. It’s a favorite red tea of mine with bits of white chocolate and a hint of mint.
I was sitting in our dining room last night watching an incredible display of God’s power in the form of lightening, which eventually sparked a fire in the distance. The way God communicates with us sometimes made me stop and think about the many countless ways we communicate with each other. Which got me thinking about how difficult my job would be as a foster parent once again. I’ve been parenting for 30 years now. I have more experience raising teens than anybody I have ever met. The newest addition to our family is our 9th, (yes, you heard right), teenager! Wouldn’t you think I’d have all the answers by now? I guess, somehow, I thought I did. But God has to show me just how tiny and small I am, and how little I know. I am so humbled that He lets me take care of so many of His precious children. But without His strength and His grace there is no way I could possibly be doing this again. My friends, the Sibley’s, (who are missionaries in Zambia and have adopted 5 children plus 1), are such great encouragers to us. But Beckie tells me often, (and she’s not kidding), she’d rather raise 6 children in Zambia, than to try and take in one foster child in our American culture. There is so much going on in our country. American kids seem to be totally mesmerized by the media. The thing about having foster kids is that you don’t get to start fresh. You get to take someone elses parenting mistakes and try and correct them. (As if parenting teens wasn’t a hard enough job! )
There is no way I can tackle this subject in just one blog post. So I expect I’ll be writing about his again in a few days. I am open to the comments and suggestions of others. I have learned a great deal in my years of parenting teens. But by no means do I know everything. Besides the world is changing so fast, so answers that may have been adequate 5 years ago, are hardly relevant anymore. Like for instance, can someone please explain to me why Jamie Lynn Spears is a celebrity? She had a baby, for crying out loud, at age 16. This is NOT who I want my daughter idolizing! If Nikki, (not her real name), had been my biological daughter, there wouldn’t be a lot of information about Ms. Spears made available to my daughter. Well, actually I talk a tough game. But the truth is, I’m wondering how parents these days protect their kids from this immoral American culture that we live in. Even with my 30 years of parenting experience, I am at a loss for how to protect our new daughter. The other day, while we were sitting in the doctor’s office she picked up a magazine with the Bradjolina family photo album plastered on several pages throughout the magazine. The photography was top-notch, I have to admit. But I’m just a little concerned at what American young people seem to think a perfect American family looks like. Brad and Anjolina aren’t even married last time I checked. There isn’t any commitment to stay together and parent all those kids under one roof till they part ways in death. How sad for those children to not have the benefit of parents who love each other enough to commit to making a covenant with one another. But my daughter flipped through those pages oohing and aweing at this image of a happy American family, along with 1,000’s of other young women. What a disservice we do to our young people to make them believe that this new image of the American family is somehow a better and upgraded version of a traditional family. Why didn’t they photograph the 6 nannies alongside Brad and Anjolina, since they’re the ones doing all the dirty work!
How do I communicate with such a young and vulnerable child in a world that seems, (more than ever), to have gone crazy. How do I protect her innocence, and teach her to know and love the God that I serve? How can anybody know God these days when life is so noisy and so busy all the time? Young people these days seem to think cell phones are as important to their existance as oxygen. Yeah, never mind me having to tell her the story about having to walk to school barefoot in a blizzard to get to school everyday. All I’ll have to say is “in my day, we didn’t even have cell phones.” She’ll be shocked, no doubt, that I could have survived to be a such a healthy looking 50 year old grandma. Lord have mercy, I’ve got my work cut out for me!!
I find myself with few answers, but needing to rely on the power of Christ more than ever. One thing that hasn’t changed in our household is that we have always insisted that our kids attend a Christian church somewhere. If not at our family church , than they need to find another place of worship. I got this piece of advice from my hero, Dr. Dobson, who says that too many parents choose not to fight with their kids over this issue. If you’re a parent who believes in picking your battles carefully, make no mistake, this is one of the most important decisions in your childs life. Don’t let them drop out of church while they are the most vulnerable to the tempations of our unholy society.
I may not be able to teach my daughter everything she needs to know in the 3 years I have with her here at home. But I trust she’ll pick up on some pretty good teachings from me along the way. The role my husband plays in her life is huge as well. We try to model what a healthy marriage can look like. Dan also has worked very hard to be a good father to all the kids in our blended bunch. I thank God that most of our other children understand and accept the role of being older siblings who help, encourage and advise as well. Our church also plays a role in reenforcing our values and the things we believe in. I may not be able to protect our daughter from all the evils of American culture these days. But I have put into place a number of safety nets and layers of protection. All of these elements are for her benefit as she grows older and hopefully wiser in the years ahead. I don’t think there really is any “safe place” to raise kids in America anymore. But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna give up and quit trying to fight for their eternal rights.
Well, I’ve bent your ear enough for today. I have much more to say on this. Won’t you join me again next week?
Blessings-
TeaLadyDarla
